Lost in our world

Waltz Moore - FFTL


I can't eat anything
without shoving my hands down my throat


"Mom, can I go upstairs?" she asked her mother after she finished eating.

"Yes." her mother answered nicely and stood up to wash the dishes.

She walked upstairs into her room, shutting the door and locking it behind her. Turning on her music, she went in her bathroom and examined her body in her big mirror.

"I'm so fat." She said to herself, disgusted by the view.

She saw a fat, ugly, 16 year old girl. In reality there was a average, beautiful girl. But she didn't see it.

Very sure of being fat she walked up to the toilet and opened the lid of it. She bend down on her knees, shoved her skinny fingers down her throat and emptied all of the contents of her stomach. Then she cleaned everything up and walked back into her bedroom to do her homework.

It was her daily routine. After the dinner she goes up empties her stomach and acts like nothing happened.


and I refuse to meet the world
without smearing on makeup
with my hair blinding my eyes
blinding my eyes



After she finished her homework her phone started ringing. She went to her nightstand and picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hey Emma, want to go out?" the voice of her best friend filled her ear.

"No." she answered shortly.

"Oh why not? You always say no, please?" she replied nothing.

"Emma?" her friend asked again.

Seeing that she'd have no chance that he'd accept it she gave in.

"Okay, I give up. I'll come."

"Yeah, I'll pick you up in an hour. See ya!" he said joyfully and hung up the phone.

"Joy." she said, also hanging up.

She walked to her closet to find something to wear. She found something and went into her bathroom again.

After taking a short shower she changed into her black baggy clothes, rimmed her eyes in black eyeliner and straightened her hair, letting a streak of her black hair fall down on her face, covering her right eye.



I can't remember
the last time I've seen my own eyes
or the color of my skin
do you know what it's like to feel ugly all the time?



She always wore the same color. Black. It was her favorite, even though it made her looking pale. She loved it.

The baggyclothes hid her small frame, and nobody noticed her becoming thinner and thinner every day.

Everytime she ate she felt like she would weight tons more, so she did her routine. But it made her body sick.

One time she fainted in front of the class and her excuse was that she stood up too fast.



I stretch myself across the world
pushing my limits for your entertainment
and you have the nerve to call out my
weaknesses and drag me through
the dirt



The clock turned 8 p.m. and a few seconds later there was a knock on her door.

"Come in." she said, forgetting that she had locked the door.

"It's locked!" her friend informed her after turning the doorknob.

"Oh, sorry!" she said nervously, unlocking the door and opening it.

"Why did you lock you door?" her friend asked her confused.

"Uh...I forgot to unlock it when I was getting changed." she said nervously, hoping that he didn't make a big deal out of it.

"And now you're finished?" he asked again.

"Yeah, we can go." she said, took his hand and walked out of the room.

"Mom, I'm going out with some friends. I'll be back in a few hours." she informed her mother and then left the house with her friend.

"Where are we going?" she asked as they were driving.

"We're going to eat and then to a club, a little partying. The rest of the guys are coming too." he said happyly.

"Oh..ok." there would be lots of people and she'd have to eat something.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, giving her a short glance and then looking back on the street.

"Uh...no...." she answered just as he parked the car, opening his door and getting out of it.

She also opened the door and closed it.

"Come on, the guys are already here." he said and they went in the restaurant, meeting their friends.

"Hey Emma! You came!" one of her friends cheered and gave her a hug.

"How did that happen?!" he asked as he sat back down.

"I just couldn't resist him, David." she said jokingly and sat down next to her friend.

"Yeah who could resist the sexy Pierre Bouvier?" he laughed and sat down next to his girlfriend.

"Yeah of course!" all of them laughed along with the two.

After chatting a little bit they ordered their food. As the waiter left the table her best friend, Pierre, asked her why she didn't order anything.

"I'm not hungry." she said shortly, staring at the table.

"Why? I mean it's almost 9 p.m. The last time you ate something must be 4 or something."

"...Yeah I know, but I'm not hungry."

"Pierre, that's girls, they must watch their weight." David chimed in.

"Yeah..right...It's not like she is fat or something." Pierre said disbelievingly.

"Yeah..how about a little salad?" David asked me.

"No, I said I'm not hungry."

"Yeah okay." David turned away and went back to talking with the others.

Pierre was about to say something to Emma but she quickly excused herself she had to use the bathroom.

"Wait, I'll come with you." Pierre's girlfriend Sandra said, following her.


i'm staring at the mirror looking back at the
person i hate

Emma didn't hear her and was already in the room. She looked at herself in the mirror.

She felt ugly, she didn't understand why nobody could see what she saw there.

"Hey." Sandra said from behind her.

Emma jumped a little, she hadn't notice that someone was in the room.

"Oh, hey. I didn't see you coming in."

The girls did their buisnesses and went back to the guys.

The guys convinced her to eat a salad, so she did, and after that she felt sick, like always.

In the club she went to the bathroom as the guys were all dancing. There she emptied her stomach and went back out, acting like nothing happened.

They partied a little bit and then went back home.

Emma stood in front of her big mirror after changing. Seeing again the ugly chick she always saw.

"Just ugly." she said and turned of the lights.



I can't remember
the last time I've seen my own eyes
or the color of my skin
do you know what it's like
to feel ugly all the time?
...the color of my skin
do you know what it's like
to feel ugly all the...



She climbed in her bed and fall asleep, still in mind she was ugly.

What she didn't know was, that all of her friends noticed that she was sick. They cared a lot about her and wanted to help her.




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